... I will press on.

"Single women have a dreadful propensity for being poor, which is one very strong 

argument in favor of matrimony." - Jane Austen

I'm about half way through my semester at Shasta College, about 5 months without a job. I know what I gave up when I moved out here to pursue a Bachelors degree, and what I will continue to sacrifice until I am through.
     - I gave up a job, first of all. A job I loved. Possibly one of the best jobs I've ever had despite how early I had to get up.
     - I also gave up a huge chuck, though not all, of my social life.
               -- Almost all (it seems) at this time because when I packed my bags and left my entire life in  Minnesota I said goodbye to every friend I had there, my community, and Bethany and Bethlehem Baptist all at once. Not to mention the great city of Minneapolis.
               -- The rest of my time in college, hopefully and expectantly, will not be spent feeling so homesick and lonely, because there is community to be found.
     - I also gave up time. It takes time to study, write papers, research, come to class, study, write papers, research, come to class, study, write papers..... and so on. Three years seems like forever on this side, but I know it will fly by.

That being said, I know I'm choosing sacrifice. I believe and hope it will benefit me in the end. And even in the hard times when I look at my bank account and wonder what the heck I'm doing, I know I'm fighting for something that is worth it. And I feel like that's exactly what I'm doing: fighting. I am really beginning to understand that "life is hard" and not (just) in a inner struggle sort of way, it is physically challenging. Demanding. Sometimes there are walls that have to be broken down. And from what I understand about Christianity a wall doesn't necessarily mean you're doing something wrong. It can sometimes mean you're doing something right. Jesus didn't say, "do your best and if it gets hard, do something else". I am walking forward with open hands saying all the time that if I'm not doing the right thing, I will change what I'm doing or the way I'm doing it in a heartbeat. But I really believe that until the day I hear otherwise, I will fight with all my might and all the pleas for grace and grace and more grace to keep fighting. In the one sense, He bears our loads, in another we carry our own crosses. I can't separate my spiritual walk with God and my physical walk on this earth and say "going to college doesn't have anything to do with my relationship with God - therefore I need to do it in my own strength". Life is acting in the spiritual as well as the physical, you can't leave one alone. So every wall I run into on this walk will have to give way sooner or later, that's just what I'm standing for. And that's that.

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained." Philippians 3:12-16